Wednesday, 15 September 2010

'bass in your face'

They say;"Never mock anothers loved one.."

Jerry: Save the trees, save the trees, but what about the spoons, what about the spoons? Sick of that crap. Anyway… isn't it always the way, you're an average comic with your own TV show, you can't find your keys and all your friends are krazy? (Doorbell rings) Oh no, who can that be?
 Arnie: Yaffle yaffle yaffle, Jerry, Jerry, you've gotta help me, my ex is in town and I gotta hide! Yaffle yaffle yaffle. (Picks up a bottle from the coffee table and smashes it over his head)
Jerry: Did I miss a meeting? Your ex is in town and I can't find my keys.
Arnie: Do you remember where you last had 'em?
Jerry: If I knew that, they wouldn't be lost! (Doorbell rings) Oh no! Get under there and hide (Pushes him under table)
Arnie: OK. Jerry, Jerry, you seen my cigar?
Jerry: You're smoking it!
Arnie: Oh yeah! Yaffle yaffle yaffle. (Enter Becky)
Becky: (Singing) New York, New York, what a wonderful place, you've gotta help me Jerry, you've gotta hide my face. (Picks up paper from the coffee table, rips it and starts eating it)
Jerry: Don't… don't tell me, your ex is in town?
Becky: Yes.
Jerry: And I can't find my keys!
Becky: Do you remember where you last had them?
Jerry: If I knew that, they wouldn't be lost!
Becky: Quit yakking, I gotta hide. (Goes to table)
Arnie: Yaffle yaffle yaffle, you can't hide here.
Jerry: Here, come on, down (pushes her behind the sofa) Did I miss a meeting? (Doorbell rings) Oh no, I still can't find my keys and now someone else has arrived!
Becky: (Stands up) Hey Jerry, you got any cookies? (Jerry pushes her down and picks up a plate. Doorbell rings) Oh... (Opens the door to reveal Fritz)
Fritz: Mmm, cookies, my favourite. (Takes a handful from the plate, throws them in the air and waits for them to fall. They don't) Zaboom zaboom! Hey Jerry, I gotta hide, my ex is in town. Say, did you find your keys yet? (Jerry shrugs)
Anie: If he knew that, they wouldn't be lost.
Fritz: Zaboom! (Runs to table)
Arnie: Yaffle yaffle yaffle, you can't hide here. (Fritz runs to sofa)
Becky: (Sings) No!
Fritz: (Hides under lampshade) Zaboom zaboom!
Jerry: Did I miss a meeting? (Phone rings, Fritz picks up)
Fritz: You don't say? You don't say? You don't say?
Jerry: Who was that?
Fritz: He didn't say! (Doorbell rings. Enter Mohamed)
Mohamed: Fire and ice, fire and ice… heee-ump, b-doing! Ha yeah, ha yeah, ha yeah… (laughs) Regular regular.
Jerry: Don't tell me, your ex is in town?
Mohamed: Regular regular.
Becky: If he knew that, they wouldn't be lost.
Mohamed: Hic… fire, ice…
Arnie: Yaffle yaffle yaffle.
Mohamed: Eugh.
Becky: (Sings) No!
Mohamed: B-doing! (Takes lampshade off Fritz)
Fritz: Zaboom zaboom! Zaboom!
Jerry: This way… maybe we can fit you under here…
Mohamed: Oh oh oh oh…
Jerry: And stay there!
Mohamed: Regular regular.
Jerry: Did I miss a meeting? (Doorbell rings)
Arnie: Hey Jerry, it's kinda smoky in here.
Jerry: Well put the cigar out!
Arnie: Oh yeah! Yaffle yaffle yaffle. (Enter Matt)
Matt: Load it up! Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, sitting in the bunker, cooking up the sausages… hurry up love, there's a war on!
Jerry: Don't tell me, you gotta hide.
Matt: No, well, yes actually!
Arnie and Becky: If he knew that, they wouldn't be lost!
Jerry: Oh, now, no, one of you stay there, will you get back under there? Oh, you should be over there… great, you get back there…
(Utter chaos ensues as everyone tries to hide, until Jerry gets frustrated)
Jerry: TIME OUT! Not one of you needs to hide. Arnie, your ex is Becky, Becky, your ex is Arnie. Fritz, you're still married. Mohamed…
Mohamed: Boing!
Jerry: You never married.
Mohamed: Regular.
Jerry: And you… (looks at Matt) Who the hell are you?
Matt: 412 haberdashery and the days of wine and roses.
Jerry: Get out of my apartment, all of you. Come on, let's go. Jeez, vamoosh, scat, come on! God, you guys are so krazy… (Locks the door) Oh no! My keys were in my jean pocket all the time… and I missed my meeting! (Credits roll) Aah, blow it out your ass…


End of sketch
oh I laughed so hard Kenco was literally squirting out of my nostrils.

No comments:

Post a Comment

having said that;

WELLISAIDTHAT